


This Is How I Disappear

by annemari



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gen, Invisibility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-29 10:37:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annemari/pseuds/annemari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gerard first looks into the hotel bathroom mirror and doesn't see a reflection, he thinks, "Oh fuck, yes, I've turned into a vampire."</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is How I Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> Set during Projekt Revolution. I started writing this, like, last year for HC bingo, and figured I should finally finish and post. Thank you to **Ande** for looking this over for me! Title from the MCR song, because I couldn't resist.

When Gerard first looks into the hotel bathroom mirror and doesn't see a reflection, he thinks, "Oh fuck, yes, I've turned into a vampire."

Then he panics for a little bit, because there is sunlight streaming in through the window and he is totally going to _die_.

It isn't till he realizes that he isn't catching on fire and calms down a bit that he notices he's kind of see-through. He can make out where his body is, but only if he concentrates really hard.

That's when he panics again.

Gerard's not sure how much time has passed when there's a knock on the bathroom door.

"Gerard?" Frank calls. "Open the fuck up, man, I gotta pee."

Gerard takes a couple of deep breaths and swings the door open. Frank looks right through him. "Gerard?"

"Frankie," Gerard says, dimly aware of how badly his voice is shaking. "Something really fucked up is happening."

For a second Frank's expression doesn't change and Gerard's absolutely terrified that Frank can't hear him, either, but then his brow furrows and he says, "Fucked up like what? Where the fuck are you, dude?"

"I think I'm sort of invisible," Gerard says, and barks out a painful laugh. He can still sort of make out his outline when he looks down, and, like, he knows where his body is and he doesn't _think_ he's actually fading away, but—but fuck, what if he is, what if he's like dead or something, still lying in his bed, and Frank didn't notice. Gerard steps forward and grabs Frank's arm, because what if his hand will just go through Frank.

It doesn't, it connects, and Frank's arm is solid and there and that's another point for invisibility and not dead, right?

Frank yelps a little, and pulls back, out of Gerard's reach. "What the fuck?"

"Frankie," Gerard says, sadly.

"Gee?" Frank asks, looking wildly around the bathroom.

"It's okay," Gerard says. "It's just me."

There's a knock on the hotel-room door, then, and Frank and Gerard both turn towards it. "Guys," comes Ray's voice. "We need to leave soon, okay."

Frank throws another look at Gerard—or where he thinks Gerard is—and then bolts for the door. Gerard hurries after him.

Frank has the door open and he's dragging Ray in when Gerard reaches them.

"Frank, dude, calm down," Ray says. "What's going on?"

Frank closes the door, then turns and leans against it. "Gerard?" he asks.

Gerard bites his lip and waves, before he remembers. Oh, right. "Uh, hi?"

Ray just looks confused. "Gerard? Where are you?"

"He says he's invisible," Fran says weakly.

Ray sighs. "Come on, guys, we don't have time for this." He raises his voice. "Gerard, man, get out here, we have to leave soon and Frank's acting weirder than usual."

Gerard swallows heavily, steps forward and puts his hand on Ray's shoulder. Ray screams and jumps back.

"Told you," Frank says.

Ray's eyes are darting around the room, not once focusing on him, and Gerard abruptly feels like he wants to cry.

"Hey, so," he says. "I'm not dead or anything, right?"

There's a pause. "Well," Frank says, and steps forward. "I'd think if you were a ghost or something then we _could_ see you, but not touch you, right?"

"Ghost, what?" Ray asks. "I don't—"

"Yeah, but—"

"Plus, then there'd, like, be a body," Frank says. "And I'm pretty sure yours is right, uh." He waves his hand around vaguely in front of Gerard. Gerard catches it and holds on. Frank doesn't flinch this time.

"See," Frank says, and then makes a face. "Well, not _see_ , but, uh. You're right here."

Gerard squeezes his hand tighter, then looks at Ray. Ray's staring in Gerard's direction, but mostly he's staring at Frank's hand, how it must look like there's, well, an invisible hand squeezing it. It looks weird to Gerard, too, but his brain seems to still be filling in the spot where he knows he is, where he _feels_ he is, he's right here, so it's not too bad.

"Uh," Ray says, and steps forward, his hand raised. Gerard reaches out and touches Ray's palm with his index finger. Ray jumps back, but then he's reaching out again. "Fuck, Gee. I— Uh, where the fuck is your shoulder?"

Gerard takes hold of Ray's arm and guides it so Ray's hand is resting on his shoulder.

"Uh," Ray says again, and hesitantly squeezes Gerard's shoulder. "Okay. So. We should... Probably tell Brian and Bob."

"Hey, yeah," Frank says. "Brian will totally know what to do."

~

Brian doesn't know what to do. He doesn't look particularly surprised, though. More, like, exasperated. Gerard frowns and looks down. It's not like it's his fault he got turned invisible.

He's sitting on the couch in the front lounge of the bus — walking to the bus wasn't as adventurous as Gerard thought it was gonna be, surprisingly — with Bob on one side, his thigh pressing against Gerard's, and Frank on the other, holding his hand.

"Okay," Brian says. "I'm gonna make some calls, see if anyone knows anything. Don't lose him," he says to the guys.

"Hey," Gerard protests. It's not like he turned into a puppy or something. He's not gonna wander off the bus or anything.

Brian points a finger at his general direction. "You. Are so lucky we don't have a show tonight."

Gerard opens his mouth to remind them that _he_ 's the victim here, but Brian's already heading off the bus, phone against ear.

Gerard breathes out roughly. "So, we just wait?" he asks the guys.

"Well—" Ray starts.

"We should test it out," Frank says. "Right?"

"Test it out how?" Gerard asks.

Frank lets go of Gerard's hand to wave his arms around. "I don't know, like. Oh, wait, shit, why didn't I think of this earlier." He gets up and goes into the bunk area and comes back with one of his hats. "Here," he says and holds it out to Gerard.

Gerard takes it excitedly. Why _didn't_ they think of this earlier. He quickly pulls the hat on, and looks up at Frank and Ray, expectant.

"Well," Ray says.

Frank bites his lip. "Shit."

"What?" Gerard asks. "What's going on?" He tries to look up at the hat, but that just strains his eyes and makes him feel slightly nauseous.

"Huh," Bob says. "It disappeared, too."

"He's _invisible_ ," Frank says, "he's not _disappearing_."

Bob holds up his hands. "Okay, chill. I know that."

Frank folds his arms and glares. Gerard rolls his eyes, though he's touched. "So it turned invisible as soon as I put it on?" he asks.

"I think almost as soon as you touched it," Ray says. "I mean, we can't even tell whether you put it on or not."

"Hold on," Frank says, and disappears into the bunk area once more. He comes back with another hat, a bigger one, and holds it out, looking like he's trying to gauge where Gerard's head is. "Come here." Gerard leans forward obligingly and grabs Frank's hands, helps him slip the hat on.

Frank steps back. "Huh. Okay, that's just weird."

" _That_ 's what's weird about this?" Ray asks shrilly.

"But he's not even touching it!" Frank says. "Like, how does that make sense."

Gerard slumps in the seat; scratches at his ear. So apparently he's, like, projecting invisibility now or something. Fucking great. He knows he's still _here_ , can feel Bob's thigh against his, and Frank's being super adamant and keeps assuring him about it, but— He can't help but worry. Fine, okay, screw disappearing, but what if he never changes back? Or what if it will extend to people he touches, too, and not just, like, clothing. It's only been a few hours and he's already craving eye contact so badly it's almost like a physical pain.

He pulls his legs up and wraps his arms around them, rests his chin on his knees. Suddenly everything goes dark.

"Frank!" he hears Ray admonish while Gerard freaks out for a second before he realizes that there's a blanket over his head. Frank threw a fucking _blanket_ on him.

"See," Frank cries triumphantly, and then there's someone hugging his head while he _still has the blanket on him_ , jesus fuck.

"Frank," Gerard tries to say, but it probably comes out more as "mphhh", so he settles for just flailing his arms.

"Congrats," Bob says. "We can now sort of make out where you are." He bumps his knee against Gerard's leg, though, so Gerard knows he means it.

Gerard finally manages to push Frank off and pull the blanket off himself. He bunches it up in his hands and Frank's face falls.

"Fuck, it's gone again," Frank says.

Gerard looks down at the blanket in his hands and it— It's _there_ , he knows it's there, but it's sort of see-through now, too.

"Great," he says, his voice catching. "So now everything I touch becomes invisible, that's just fucking great."

"Hey," Ray says. Gerard can tell he's making an effort to stay calm. "I'm sure we'll fix it. We'll figure it out, okay." He's looking at Gerard's shoulder, clearly trying to project calm at it.

Gerard sighs, and throws the blanket away, runs his hands over his face.

"I think we should call Mikey," Frank says suddenly.

Gerard wants to protest, because Mikey's taking a break from all this madness; he doesn't need to get involved in this, but Ray clearly perks up and Bob nods next to him.

"Fuck, of course," Ray says. "Why didn't we think of that sooner?"

"Guys," Gerard says slowly. "I'm not sure about this."

Frank looks at him like he just grew two heads — or like he woke up invisible, actually; there doesn't seem to be much of a difference.

"Gerard," Ray says. "His brother turned invisible. I'm pretty sure he'd want to know that."

Gerard bites his lip and leans back against the couch. He folds his arms and looks down at himself. If he stays absolutely still then he can't even tell anymore where his body is. Sort of like a chameleon, he thinks. Except he can't actually, like, change his hair color or anything, so it's way less cool and a lot more scary.

He closes his eyes tightly and thinks really hard that when he opens them he will be visible again; no longer lost, no longer just a space his friends will look at in the hopes of finding him there.

It doesn't work.

~

They end up calling Mikey. Gerard still feels bad about it, because Mikey deserves a break and not his big brother calling him to freak out about how he's suddenly invisible, but. Well.

It's not like he can do much to prove his story through the phone—not even a picture would do much good, unless he, like, picks up Frank or something—but Mikey believes him immediately.

"I'll be there as fast as I can, okay," he says, and Gerard wants to protest, but he kind of really needs his brother right now. It's not that Frank and Ray and Bob aren't being great about the whole situation, but—they're not Mikey.

"I'll see you soon," says Mikey, and Gerard sort of wants to cry.

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, okay."

~

Mikey can't meet up with them until the next morning. Gerard spends most of the time on the bus sleeping or just lying awake in his bunk with the light off, staring at the ceiling. He's scared to close his eyes, fearing he'll disappear for good. Nothing left of him. But at the same time, when he has his eyes squeezed shut he's more aware of his body, still there. It's the rest of the world he's worried about.

He had reached for his sketchbook at one point but had snatched his hand away before he could touch it, terrified. At least in the bunk, in the dark, he can't make anything else disappear as well. He's still wearing the hats Frank put on him, too. It's a little hot, but he didn't want to take them off and he figured there was really no reason to.

Gerard's not sure what time it is when Frank pulls the curtain of his bunk back, but he figures it must be near morning. Frank's looking almost at Gerard's face, almost but not quite. Gerard swallows heavily.

"Hey," Frank says and slowly reaches his hand forward until it collides with Gerard's arm. Gerard hates the way it makes the guys act like they're blind around him, but he curls his other hand around Frank's wrist and holds on. Frank smiles. "Mikey's gonna be here soon," he says. "Brian went to get him from the airport."

"Okay," Gerard says.

Frank bites his lip. "We'll fix this, okay. Don't worry, Gee."

Gerard smiles a little and he hates that Frank can't see it.

"Oh, and Ray made coffee," Frank says and laughs when Gerard starts pushing him away so he can slip out of the bunk.

Gerard usually closes his eyes when he's drinking coffee, anyway, so it doesn't fucking matter if the cup turns invisible or not.

~

They're all waiting in the front lounge for Brian to bring Mikey over. Gerard has claimed the couch for himself and he's curled up on it, staring at the front of the bus. It feels like he hasn't seen Mikey in _ages_ , and he's both excited about and kind of dreading Mikey getting here. He's not sure how well he can handle Mikey looking right past him as well.

Finally, finally there's the sound of the bus door opening. Mikey steps into the lounge and stops, frowning. He looks at the guys, then looks back at Gerard. He looks _right at Gerard_ , eyes focusing.

"Why are you wearing two hats?" he asks.

Gerard inhales sharply.

"What—you can see him?" Frank asks.

Mikey frowns at Frank. "He's right there."

Frank shakes his head. "But—"

"None of us can see him," Ray says. "He can't even see himself!"

Mikey turns back to Gerard and raises his eyebrows. Gerard's rooted to the spot, because Mikey's looking at him and maybe if Gerard moves Mikey will lose sight of him.

"It's—I'm sort of see-through, I guess," Gerard says.

"You can really see him, Mikes?" Bob asks quietly.

Mikey bites his lip. "He's right there."

The other guys all seem to relax at that, finally. Gerard reaches out. "Mikey."

Mikey quickly makes his way over to the couch, and then he's hugging Gerard, holding him close, and he can _see_ him. Gerard closes his eyes and clings to him. "Mikey," he says again, and Mikey gently rubs his back. "I don't know what happened, I—"

"Hey," Mikey says. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."

"You can see me," Gerard says, his voice muffled. His face is pressed against Mikey's neck and he really doesn't feel like moving ever again.

"Duh," Mikey says softly.

Gerard laughs weakly and presses his forehead against Mikey's cheek.

There's a gasp then, and Ray says, happily, "Gerard!"

Gerard blinks. "Ray?"

"I can see you!"

Gerard blinks again, but before he can respond, Frank's already on the couch, pulling him into a headlock.

"Motherfucker," Frank says. "Don't ever do that again."

Gerard clings back, trying to voice the promise. Mikey pulls the hats off his head—good, he was already fucking melting. Ray ruffles his hair and Gerard cranes his neck and makes eye contact with Bob. He's looking right at Gerard, and smiling.

Gerard swallows hard and says, "I promise."

"You better." Gerard looks over at Brian, standing at the door, his face more relieved than exasperated. Gerard gives him a slight smile, and Brian shakes his head. "Only this band."

Gerard laughs, and tries to pull his head away from Frank's grip; it's starting to hurt his neck.

Mikey shifts to the side, and Frank winds his arms around Gerard's waist, settling in. Ray sits down on Gerard's other side and wraps an arm around his shoulders. Mikey stretches out his legs, putting them in Gerard's lap.

"Boots off the couch," Brian says.

"Oh, give it a rest," Bob says.

"I'm wearing sneakers," Mikey points out.

Gerard rests his hands on Mikey's ankles, and holds on. Brian sighs, but doesn't press it. "I need to make a note," he says. "Next time lead singer feels like turning invisible, call in brotherly reinforcements. Done."

"I didn't want to turn invisible," Gerard protests. He'd felt like—he doesn't know. He'd missed Mikey.

"It's important to have a plan," Brian says.

"Yeah," Mikey says quietly. Gerard gives his ankles a squeeze, and meets his eyes. Mikey smiles.

Frank rests his head on Gerard's shoulder, and Gerard leans against Ray and closes his eyes. He's not afraid to anymore.


End file.
